An Autistic Moms Day
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An Autistic Moms Day

This is typical Ammon and typical autism. we went to a school wide "Family Fun Night" and there were at least a 100 people there. Ammon couldn't handle the noise and crowd so he just tuned the world out and went into his head. Luckily we had his white board with us and he was able to cope by using it to draw what was going on in his head. If we hadn't had it with us he would have been hysterical and we wouldn't have been able to stay. The whole world around him was going on and he was lost while surrounded by it.

The following is a poem i wrote this evening while in tears thinking about what my kids go through on a daily basis. It was heart wrenching for me to write but it is true to my heart. Feel free to print and share as long as I am referenced as the author.

An Autistic Moms Day:

there are days and there are times when i cry myself to sleep,
it breaks my heart into a million pieces each time i see you weep
i watched you this morning as got out of the bed hoping not to fall
you take care to find the clothes that won’t cause your skin to crawl
its so hard for you to find the ones that won’t bother you all day
so many around you will never know what it’s like to feel that way

you tell me son when you leave my side and go running to the door
you have hope today, i see it in your eyes, you can do it all once more
you know what it means to try again and with love you look back and say
"mom today’s the day, i can do it, i can make you proud of me today"
you cross your heart, to promise me, that you can make it through
i just wish you knew, each and every day, just how proud i am of you

i leave you there and drive away with fear, but with hope inside i pray
"please lord, be with him, i beg of you, don’t leave his side today.
he needs you now, he tries so very hard, he just wants to make me proud"
but by lunch he’s lost and fighting all his fears, now crying and afraid
not wanting me to know, all the problems and mistakes he made

the afternoon wears on, and he just can’t cope so he gets lost inside again
the tears they come, and the anger, sadness and frustration all set in
he does his best, he fights a good fight, and tries to just finish out the day
then home he comes with his head hung low, feeling ashamed and afraid
the words he shares hit me to the core, and breaks my heart again
"i can’t do it mom, i failed again today. please don’t make me go back again"

he runs away to hides and disappears inside the world inside his head again
i try and i try each day to reach him, to help his little broken heart mend
but i am just so lost and i try so hard to help, i do all i ever can
but i fear i am failing him, don’t know how to fix it, so i do the best i can
please tell me lord how to help our precious little child
i don’t now what to do, I don’t know how to help my child

there are so many people who are on his side
they do their best to help him know it’s alright.
we work and work to help him understand
we are all just trying to survive where we stand
just do your best and know that’s always enough
This world we live in for a child like mine is tough

God sent you here from up above, to this mother to love
and my son, you are best thing, to ever happen to me
Dear child, you teach me each day, how to fight a good fight
let the world just live and you find your way to be free

No matter what the other kids and parents may say
i know you did your best and fought a good fight today
they may never know the struggles you are going through
but baby you need to know i am here for you, and that i do
I see you hurt, i see your pain, i see you trying to hide your tears
i know this world is a scary place and it holds all your fears

they may never see deep inside your heart
that you do your best to just be apart
of a world that scares and hurts you to the core
and at times you just can’t give any more
but please dear child don’t run away and hide
I will always and forever stand by your side

God sent you here from above to this mother to love
and my son, you are best thing, to ever happen to me
Dear child you teach me each day how to fight
let the world just live and you find your way to be free

you are always enough for me
you will always be everything to me

Elizabeth Anne Jeffries

2 Comments to An Autistic Moms Day:

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