Tonight was a REALLY difficult night with 2 of the 3 boys. This always disrupts an already overloaded mommy and household.....Airabella (the 2 year old) had a fever all day and was struggling with the noise and crazy by 6pm and was actually signing “sleep” over and over to tell me she had had enough and was ready to escape to her bed.
Ammon and Hunter had spent the better part of the last 4 hours throwing excersize balls, pillows, stuffed animals, apples and anything else they could get their hands on at each other and at anyone in the vicinity. Their “noises” were off the charts crazy tonight and really threatening to take away what little hearing i had left after a week of noises i can’t even explain to someone who hasn’t been through it. (you know the worlds most annoying noise from dumb and dumber? that noise is a constant in our home and is truly mind altering and enraging at times. i swear sometimes i pray to go mostly deaf so i can just stop hearing this noise.)
I had to fit in the normal homeschooling, Ot and sensory therapies, meals and household chores and then to make things just a bit more crazy had to go to a meeting in the middle of the day which threw the routine off even more. Brandon works third shift and was gone all night last night and back to work again tonight, leaving the house at 6pm to leave me with the crazy to deal with alone, AGAIN!....You know, typical day around hear.
But when I finally got the settled down and snuggled into their warm sleeping bags, (they each sleep in a mummy sleeping bag every night to help them feel safe and secure by keeping the confined within the bag. I figured this one out about 3 months ago and it allows them to get about 4 hours of sleep in a row instead of the usual 2 or 3 that we used to get.....yeah, progress. sarcasm deffenatly intended) Hunter looked at me and said with tears of sadness, “mommy, you know we love you right? No matter what our mouths or bodies do we think you are the best mommy in the whole wide world. You know that right?” Ammon sat up crying and simply said, “yeah. love you the most.”
Well, I burst into tears immediately and pulled all 3 of them into one smushy group hug and held onto them as tight as I could for a few moments as we all cried. It made me realize that they DON’T always have much control over what their bodies and mouths are doing because of their Autism and Sensory issues no matter how hard they try, but they WILL always love me and that says so very much to save me at night when i regret getting upset because of shear exhaustion and lack of hearing from the relentless crazy that is our lives and all too often fills our home.
They will always love me and I know that they know i will always love them no matter how hard our days are. In the darkness of the night it was a family smashed together in that group hug as we crumpled onto the floor in tears and we each realized that there is nothing in this world that will replace that love or take away what it is we have gained through our struggles on this earth together as a family.
After the hug and i regained my composure they snuggled back into their individual sleeping bags and before they prayed for strength and courage to face another difficult day, Hunter looked at me, wiped a tear from my cheek and sweetly said, “Mommy, I will try to make better choices.” To that, the other 2 boys added, “Me too.”
WOW! out of the mouths of very young special needs children and straight into my heart and soul......definitely a moment I will never forget.